Are you putting makeup on two faces every morning?
You never look good trying to make someone else make bad. - Unknown When you talk behind someone else’s back you're actually revealing more about you than you are the other person.
You’re telling others you're insecure. You’re telling others you lack confidence. You’re telling others you aren’t discreet. You’re telling others not to trust you. You’re telling others you're negative.
You're telling others you're not well-mannered. And, you guessed it. You’re telling others you're two-faced. Wow - you just said an awful lot about yourself and didn't even mean too! You don't want to be that person do you? Good, we don't want you to be that person either! Gossping is not a kind look. Gossiping reminds us of the saying, "You must get tired putting makeup on two faces every morning."
You're better than that. Don't be two-faced by gossiping. Think more of yourself by respecting yourself enough to act with kindness, grace and confidence. Put your best face forward. When you do this, you won't feel the need to tear someone else down in hopes of making yourself feel better. So how to put an end to gossiping? After all people engage in it for a variety of reasons, including that it's interesting and helps you connect somewhat with the others you're talking too.
The truth is, it isn't all that interesting when you spend time talking about the (irrelevant to you) personal business of others. It doesn't make you feel good in the long-term. And while you may feel "connected" with those with whom you are talking it really is a false connection because it isn't based on trust.
We think the best thing to do is to stop cold-turkey. Good news and cheer about others? Yes, shout it from the mountain tops if it reflects well of the other person! But ugly gossip - just decide not to spread it. How to start stopping? Just. Do. It. Now it may take others a bit of time to get the message about the new, improved, marvelously well-mannered you. That's ok. It will take a bit of time for you to develop the habit of being a positive, joyful person who doesn't gossip. But with consistent focus you'll shed the bad habit of gossiping and slowly others will see you in a new, positive light. And you'll see yourself in a positive new light too. Stay the course, and do not be a part of any gossip sessions. But sometimes it’s easier said than done. So here are a few responses to keep in your clutch so that wherever you are and whoever you are with, you'll know what to say to prevent you from being part of the ugly pack. Memorize these. Practice saying them. Then when the moment presents itself, you won’t have to think. You'll just need to say one of the following: “Hmmm.” “Oh.” “I wouldn’t know about that.” “Well, she’s always been quite nice to me.” If you notice, none of these choices are longwinded but they do the trick. They send the signal that you are not engaging in the negative coffee-klatch anymore. Then either say something nice and positive about the person who was being gossiped about, change the topic entirely (being well-read and having hobbies helps ensure you have something else to talk about), or politely excuse yourself so you are in no way connected to the gossiping that continues. Then repeat as necessary. The more you do this, the easier it will become until one day you’ll notice this is the way you always react to gossip.
You may find that some of your old friends and colleagues don’t like the new, kinder more poised and gracious you. That’s perfectly fine. As long as you do.